Crowd of Clouds

A while ago, I decided to replay Square’s old yet popular RPG, Final Fantasy VII, made possible by the wonderful people at Steam. This site follows my journey, and I will update it periodically with the latest instalments.

It’s sort of a walkthrough. I’m not planning to do every last thing in the game – just to complete it. However, I do intend to include most of the subquests and the more obvious secrets. Mostly, it’s a slightly sarcastic take on the story itself and taking great delight in fiddling while the world ends.

There will be monsters, and Chocobos, and materia, and if you’re very good, we’ll see about smashing the Weapons. Don’t know what any of this means? You’ll find out!

Oh, and just to ramp up the confusion, I’m naming all the party members Cloud. Expect some very odd dialogue.

So let us begin our descent into madness…

PART ONE – Midgar

In which we meet our Clouds, explore the city and cause a bit of trouble at Shinra HQ.

• 1.01 – The Story Begins
• 1.02 – We’re gonna do WHAT?
• 1.03 – Now that’s an exit!
• 1.04 – A familiar face
• 1.05 – Railway Philosophy
• 1.06 – Radioactive flowers and a third Cloud
• 1.07 – Promises
• 1.08 – Mission 2 Prep
• 1.09 – The Best Laid Plans…
• 1.10 – The bomb is set…
• 1.11 – Another big robot…
• 1.12 – Flowers and Clouds
• 1.13 – Rooftop Escape
• 1.14 – “Cloud, meet my mother.”
• 1.15 – The journey to Wall Market
• 1.16 – Of all the hare-brained plans…
• 1.17 – I always dress for the occasion…
• 1.18 – How to impersonate a woman (in five easy lessons)
• 1.19 – Penetration
• 1.20 – Reunion
• 1.21 – The Don
• 1.22 – INTERLUDE: Shinra HQ
• 1.23 – The Sewers
• 1.24 – The Haunted Railway Station
• 1.25 – Pillar of the Community
• 1.26 – Reno-vations
• 1.27 – Aftermath
• 1.28 – Sense and Stories
• 1.29 – The Truth about Cloud
• 1.30 – “We gotta rescue Cloud!”
• 1.31 – The Staggering Ascent
• 1.32 – The Road Not Taken, Part 1
• 1.33a – The Road Not Taken, Part 2
• 1.33b – The Road Not Taken, Part 3
• 1.34 – The Road Not Taken (Aftermath)
• 1.35 – The Mad Mayor
• 1.36 – Puzzles
• 1.37 – Executive Meeting
• 1.38 – Specimens
• 1.39 – Cat Amongst The Clouds
• 1.40 – Escape?
• 1.41 – Jailed
• 1.42 – Out of the frying pan…
• 1.43 – Hail to the Chief
• 1.44 – Time for a dramatic escape!
• 1.45 – Farewell to Midgar

PART TWO – The Man In Black

Our heroes follow Sephiroth’s trail. But who is he, and what are his intentions?

• 2.01 – The Longest Story Ever Told, Part 1
• 2.02 – The Longest Story Ever Told, Part 2
• 2.03 – The Longest Story Ever Told, Part 3
• 2.04 – The Longest Story Ever Told, Part 4
• 2.05 – The Longest Story Ever Told, Part 5
• 2.06 – The Longest Story Ever Told, Part 6
• 2.07 – The Longest Story Ever Told, Part 7
• 2.08 – The Longest Story Ever Told, Part 8: The End At Last!
• 2.09 – Let’s Go Shopping!
• 2.10 – Midgar Zolom
• 2.11 – To Catch a Chocobo
• 2.12 – Return of the Turks
• 2.13 – Welcome to Fort Condor!
• 2.14 – Defending the Fort
• 2.15 – Six Clouds heading for Junon
• 2.16 – Sea Monsters
• 2.17 – Mr Dolphin Touches The Sky
• 2.18 – The Presidential Parade
• 2.19 – There’s Always Time For A Little Looting
• 2.20 – Farewell to Junon
• 2.21 – Voyage of the Damned
• 2.22 – JENOVA
• 2.23 – Arrival
• 2.24 – A Familiar Face
• 2.25 – Mount Corel
• 2.26 – The Railway Track
• 2.27 – Homecoming
• 2.28 – Background Story Time!
• 2.29 – The Gaudiest Place on Earth
• 2.30 – Cross my paws with silver…
• INTERLUDE – So WTF is a Mog anyway?
• 2.31 – Murder at the Gold Saucer
• 2.32 – Jailed (again)
• 2.33 – Big Cloud’s Tale Continues
• 2.34 – Come Dyne With Me
• 2.35 – Dyne To Meet You
• 2.36 – Can we get out of this dump yet?
• 2.37 – Chocobo Racing Fundamentals
• 2.38 – Racing for Freedom

PART THREE – The Cries Of The Planet

Our heroes get back on the trail, and learn some more about mako. One of our Clouds learns about his past, and two others start to doubt their own.

• 3.01 – Abandon Quest
• 3.02 – Push It To The Limit
• 3.03 – The Rematch
• 3.04 – Return of the Turks
• 3.05 – Big, Large, Huge Materia
• 3.06 – Gongaga
• 3.07 – Breakdown
• 3.08 – Cosmo Canyon
• 3.09 – Whatever Happened To Grandpa’s Legs?
• 3.10 – Astronomy Domine, Part 1
• 3.11 – Astronomy Domine, Part 2
• 3.12 – Campfire Fragments
• 3.13 – How do you pronounce “Gi”, anyway? Part 1
• 3.14 – How do you pronounce “Gi”, anyway? Part 2
• 3.15 – Daddy Issues
• 3.16 – It’s Hard To Say Goodbye When You Don’t Leave
• 3.17 – Town of Mystery
• 3.18 – Return To The Addams Family Mansion
• 3.19 – Treasure Hunt
• 3.20 – Sorry, Wrong Number…
• 3.21 – To Sleep, Perchance To Dream
• 3.22 – Goodbye to Nibelheim
• 3.23 – Mountain Difficulties
• 3.24 – Why Do We Climb The Mountain?
• 3.25 – Waterslides
• 3.26 – Welcome to Rocket Town!
• 3.27 – Let’s Go Shopping! (Again!)
• 3.28 – The Captain
• 3.29 – The Captain’s Tale
• 3.30 – Grounded
• 3.31 – Grand Theft Aero

PART FOUR – Ancient Mysteries

What you pursue will be yours, but you will lose something dear.

• 4.01 – The Ocean and the Forest
• 4.02 – On The Trail Of The Keystone
• 4.03 – The Temple Is Closed. Please Call Again Later.
• 4.04 – The Keystone, Located
• 4.05 – The Battle Arena, Part 1
• 4.06 – The Battle Arena, Part 2
• 4.07 – Breakdown
• 4.08 – Date Night
• INTERLUDE – The Play’s The Thing
• 4.09 – Date Night, Interrupted
• 4.10 – Keystone Kops
• 4.11 – It Can Wait!
• 4.12 – The Temple of the Ancients, Part 1: Arrival
• 4.13 – The Temple of the Ancients, Part 2: MC Escher
• 4.14 – The Temple of the Ancients, Part 3: Indiana Cloud and the Temple of Doom
• 4.15 – The Temple of the Ancients, Part 4: The Hands of Time
• 4.16 – The Temple of the Ancients, Part 5: Out of Time
• 4.17 – The Temple of the Ancients, Part 6: “Where are you, Sephiroth?”
• 4.18 – The Temple of the Ancients, Part 7: Sephiroth’s Plan
• 4.19 – The Temple of the Ancients, Part 8: Black Materia
• 4.20 – The Temple of the Ancients, Part 9: The Wall Of Evil
• 4.21 – The Temple of the Ancients, Part 10: Sacrifice
• 4.22 – Wake Up!
• 4.23 – Aftermath

PART FIVE – The Search For Cloud

Cloud, last of the Ancients, has wandered off by herself. Sephiroth is waiting for her. Can we find her before he does, especially when we keep getting distracted?

• 5.01 – Backtracking
• 5.02 – Materia Girl
• 5.03 – Welcome to Wutai!
• 5.04 – The Turks On Holiday (and some stuff with the Clouds as well)
• 5.05 – Who Keeps A Cage In Their House?!
• 5.06 – Return of the Slimeball
• 5.07 – To The Rescue, Part 1
• 5.08 – To The Rescue, Part 2
• 5.09 – Looting Wutai
• 5.10 – The Long Walk Home / I Can Dig It
• 5.11 – I –Can– Dig It, Honest!
• 5.12 – The Abandoned City
• 5.13 – What You Pursue Will Be Yours…
• 5.14 – …But You Will Lose Something Dear
• 5.15 – Last Rites
• 5.16 – Into The Mountains
• 5.17 – That’s An Ice Town You’ve Got There…
• 5.18 – Hello again…
• 5.19 – Professor Gast, Part 1
• 5.20 – Professor Gast, Part 2
• 5.21 – Farewell to the Town of Ice

Requiesce In Pace

• Requiem – Farewell, Ancient Cloud

PART SIX – The Frozen Wastes

Sephiroth – if that’s really who we’re chasing – sets off across the frozen tundra. Cloud and his fellow Clouds set off in chilly pursuit. But what will they find waiting for them?

• 6.01 – Snow Clouds
• 6.02 – Life Finds A Way
• 6.03 – Arctic Rescue
• 6.04 – Not again!
• 6.05 – Bovril and Mittens, Part 1: Alexander
• 6.06 – Bovril and Mittens, Part 2: Caves Again…
• 6.07 – Bovril and Mittens, Part 3: Limits and Skills
• 6.08 – Bovril and Mittens, Part 4: Icicle Race
• 6.09 – Bovril and Mittens, Part 5: Bad Breath
• 6.10 – Double Dragon
• 6.11 – Into The Crater
• 6.12 – Reunion, Part 1: Sephiroth
• 6.13 – Reunion, Part 2: Jenova
• 6.14 – Reunion, Part 3: Nibelheim
• 6.15 – Reunion, Part 4: Cloud
• 6.16 – Reunion, Part 5: Shinra
• 6.17 – False Faces
• 6.18 – Ne C’est Pas Un Cloud, Part 1: Hojo’s Experiment
• 6.19 – Ne C’est Pas Un Cloud, Part 2: All Hell Breaks Loose
• 6.20 – It’s The End Of The World As We Know It…

PART SEVEN – Waiting For The Apocalypse

Sephiroth has summoned Meteor. The world has a week, maybe two, before everyone dies. So naturally our heroes are going to take some time out and explore the world while it’s still there.

• 7.01 – Unwelcome Guests
• 7.02 – A Friend On The Inside
• 7.03 – Shinra vs Weapon
• 7.04 – Escape
• 7.05 – Taking Flight
• 7.06 – A Quest Without A Hero
• 7.07 – How The Highwind Was Won
• 7.08 – Chocobos, Part 1
• 7.09 – Chocobos, Part 2
• 7.10 – Enemy Skills
• 7.11 – Nuts!
• 7.12 – Return to Nibelheim
• 7.13 – Sage Advice
• 7.14 – Chocobo Season
• 7.15 – More Sage Advice
• 7.16 – Average!!
• 7.17 – The Great and the Good
• 7.18 – Chocobos, Chocobos, Chocobos!
• 7.19 – Limiting Factors
• 7.20 – Cactus Island
• 7.21 – Mideel
• 7.22 – Cloud Returns…
• 7.23 – …Or Maybe Not
• 7.24 – Big, Large, Huge Materia
• 7.25 – Curses!
• 7.26 – Waiting for the Apocalypse
• 7.27 – Hyperjump

PART EIGHT – Huge Materia

Shinra have a plan to save the world. Our team of intrepid Clouds must do everything they can to stop them. I’m not sure they’ve thought this through.

• 8.01 – Return to Fort Condor
• 8.02 – Phoenix and Curses
• 8.03 – Runaway Train, Part 1
• 8.04 – Runaway Train, Part 2
• 8.05 – Return to Mideel
• 8.06 – Ultima Weapon
• 8.07 – The Lifestream, Part 1: Broken Clouds
• 8.08 – The Lifestream, Part 2: Unreliable Memories
• 8.09 – The Lifestream, Part 3: Childhood Memories
• 8.10 – The Lifestream, Part 4: Mount Nibel
• 8.11 – The Lifestream, Part 5: The Truth
• 8.12 – The Lifestream, Part 6: The Return
• 8.13 – Back In Charge
• 8.14 – Catastrophic Travel Sickness
• 8.15 – It’s Clobberin’ Time!
• 8.16 – Ultimate Chocobo Feeding!
• 8.17 – Chocobo Racing, Part 1
• 8.18 – Chocobo Racing, Part 2
• 8.19 – The Ruins Of Mideel
• 8.20 – The Sage’s Final Memory
• 8.21 – Return to Junon
• 8.22 – Window Shopping
• 8.23 – Underwater Tunnel
• 8.24 – Follow That Huge Materia!
• 8.25 – Stealing A Submarine
• 8.26 – The Shortest Ever Submarine Battle
• 8.27 – In Pursuit Of The Huge Materia
• 8.28 – The Clouds Steal A Rocket
• 8.29 – The Rocket Steals The Clouds
• 8.30 – Clouds in Spaaaaace!
• 8.31 – Rocket vs Meteor
• 8.32 – Racing / Underwater
• 8.33 – Return to Cosmo Canyon
• 8.34 – Forgotten Something?
• 8.35 – Onwards!

PART NINE – Maybe We Can Still Save The Planet?

Meteor is coming, Sephiroth is sealed off somewhere and we’ve scuppered Shinra’s only plan to prevent the apocalypse. But Ancient Cloud was up to something – can we figure out what it was and save the world after all?

• 9.01 – Those Bloody Birds Again…
• 9.02 – Keep Kalm and Carry On
• 9.03 – Ancient Mysteries Still Mysterious
• 9.04 – Chocobo Racing, Part 500
• 9.05 – Chocobo Racing, Part 501
• 9.06 – Return to Wutai, Part 1: Leviathan Scales
• 9.07 – Return to Wutai, Part 2: The Pagoda of Pathetic Pugilists
• 9.08 – Return to Wutai, Part 3: Attack of the Living Dad
• 9.09 – Return to Wutai, Part 4: Daddy Issues
• 9.10 – Farewell to Wutai
• 9.11 – Chocobo Racing, Part 9451
• 9.12 – Return to the Glacier
• 9.13 – From Frost To Forest
• 9.14 – The Ancient Forest, Part 1
• 9.15 – The Ancient Forest, Part 2
• 9.16 – Flashback: Zack
• 9.17 – Flashback: Fade to Black
• 9.18 – Lucrecia
• 9.19 – The Gelnika, Part 1
• 9.20 – The Gelnika, Part 2
• 9.21 – The Gelnika, Part 3
• 9.22 – Ancient Movies
• 9.23 – It Never Rains, But It Pours
• 9.24 – Weapon Advances
• 9.25 – Diamond Weapon
• 9.26 – Sister Ray
• 9.27 – Shinra Falls
• 9.28 – Midgar In Danger
• 9.29 – A Sky Full Of Clouds

PART TEN – The End Is Nigh

Time is running out for the Clouds, and the world itself. Can they get to Sephiroth in time? Are they strong enough to handle him? And what cool stuff can we do along the way?

• 10.01 – Underneath Midgar, Part 1
• 10.02 – Underneath Midgar, Part 2
• 10.03 – The Turks
• 10.04 – Proud Clod
• 10.05 – Detour
• 10.06 – Mako Cannon
• 10.07 – Hojo
• 10.08 – Hojo + Jenova = ?!?!
• 10.09 – Purpose
• 10.10 – Two Homeless Clouds
• 10.11 – Reunited
• 10.12 – The Third Act
• 10.13 – Wonderful! Chocobos!
• 10.14 – The Return Of Ultima Weapon
• 10.15 – Chocobo Racing, Part 2,456,749
• 10.16 – Gobliiins!
• 10.17 – Gold, Diggers
• 10.18 – Return To The Midgar Slums
• 10.19 – What Happened To Crazy
• 10.20 – Ultima’s Final Stand
• 10.21 – Golden Chocobo Racing, Part 1
• 10.22 – Golden Chocobo Racing, Part 2
• 10.23 – The Battle Square, Part 1
• 10.24 – The Battle Square, Part 2
• 10.25 – The Battle Square, Part 3
• 10.26 – The Battle Square, Part 4
• 10.27 – The Battle Square, Part 5
• 10.28 – Grandpa’s Last Trip
• 10.29 – Extra Special Materia, Part 1
• 10.30 – Extra Special Materia, Part 2
• 10.31 – The Battle Square, Part 6
• 10.32 – The Battle Square, Part 7
• 10.33 – Real Estate
• 10.34 – The Battle Square, Part 8
• 10.35 – The Battle Square, Part 9

PART ELEVEN – The Final Battle

We can’t put it off any longer. It’s time to go visit Sephiroth and tell him what a naughty boy he’s been.

• 11.01 – The Descent, Part 1
• 11.02 – The Descent, Part 2
• 11.03 – Splitting Up
• 11.04 – Elixirs
• 11.05 – The Swamp Path
• 11.06 – The Cliff Path
• 11.07 – The Spiral Path
• 11.08 – Enemy Skills
• 11.09 – Roulette
• 11.10 – No Turning Back Now
• 11.11 – Jenova (for the last time)
• 11.12 – The Final Battle, Part 1
• 11.13 – The Final Battle, Part 2
• 11.14 – The Final Battle, Part 3
• 11.15 – Not Over Yet
• 11.16 – The Final Final Battle
• 11.17 – End Of The World, Part 1: Meteor
• 11.18 – End Of The World, Part 2: Holy
• 11.19 – End Of The World, Part 3: Lifestream
• 11.20 – Epilogue

APPENDICES

Because there was some stuff I couldn’t fit into the main run.

• Alternative Date Night: Crazy – Part 1
• Alternative Date Night: Crazy – Part 2
• Alternative Date Night: Annoying – Part 1
• Alternative Date Night: Annoying – Part 2
• Alternative Date Night: Big
• Alternative Date Night: The Others
• Emerald Weapon, Part 1
• Interlude: Training
• Emerald Weapon, Part 2
• Master Materia

 

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